Wednesday, October 10, 2012
As Adrian Monk would say, "Ok, here's what happened..."
"Dog knew that Master was the recipient of an annuity, but that Master was a rather shiftless character who always managed to spend far more than he received from that annuity and was gradually teetering toward insolvency. Dog realized that if this continued, he'd find himself on the street- and all because stupid Master was so stupid with money.
Dog couldn't let that happen- so Dog came up with a plan. Dog managed to convince Master to call Peachtree Settlement Services and sell his Annuity for a lump sum of cash. Suddenly there was money for cars and new doghouses and bones.
But Dog STILL had a problem- Master was as bad as ever with money. He was going through that lump sum at a record pace. If Dog didn't do SOMETHING, he was going to find himself right back where he was before Master called Peachtree- with an empty dog dish, a leaky dog house, and an annoying lack of chew bones.
So Dog arranged to murder Master in his sleep, and bury Master in the backyard. None of the neighbors noticed anything unusual- after all, Dog was always digging in the back yard. He's a dog, after all. And because Dog had also convinced Master to call Legal Zoom months earlier, Dog knew that he would be inheriting what was left of Master's lump sum.
But at the Reading of the Will, Dog received an unpleasant surprise- Master hadn't left him his money in a lump sum, but had set up another annuity. If Dog was going to live the kind of life he wanted- lots of eating and sleeping and licking himself in between checking with his Edward Jones guy- Dog had to get rid of that annuity. Naturally, Dog called Peachtree Settlement Services again."
As Dog is lead off in....ummm....paw cuffs....he gives Monk (or that other network's Not Monk Ripoff So Stop Saying He Is, the Mentalist) a sidelong "I almost got away with it, I hate you but I also admire you" glance. Roll credits.
Seriously, though- what DID happen to that Master guy between commercials? And who is in that car that parks in the driveway in the first commercial? And what use does Dog have with the convertible in the second commercial?
Man, I really think about this stuff way, way too much.