Sunday, October 7, 2012

It's another awful Droid Commercial. 'Nuff Said.

This pretentious thirty-one seconds of dull, throbbing pain is brought to us by Droid Razor (oh, I guess it's actually "Razr.")  The ad is called "Projections."  ( Like I said, pretentious.)

We are "treated" to several images of people checking out their palms to do things like learn how to cut a fish (chop off head.  Check.  Good thing the guy had that projection, he might have cut off the tail and eaten the head, right?)   One person is just watching a mind-numbing, pointless game on her palm.

In the conclusion to this monstrous pile of dung disguised as an ad for a cell phone, we see a guy looking at blueprints for a bicycle.  Why?  Well, I guess we can assume that it's because he's a Very Important Businessman whose sacred Small Business depends on the success of this new bicycle prototype, or something. Who gives a damn?  In a few moments he's done being among The Most Productive and one of the Makers (as opposed to us Takers) and proceeds to relax with some movie about a battleship.  It's probably Battleship, but again, who gives a damn?

And like every other person in every other cell phone commercial for a product which allows you to watch streaming video, there's not a set of headphones, ear buds, or anything of the like in sight.  Which means that ONCE AGAIN, the owners of this crap are invited to "share" their viewing experience with EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING ROOM.  Which is perfect for ads like this- because what is being sold isn't really a cell phone.  What's on sale here is total self-absorption and addiction, two character traits of people who generally aren't all that concerned about the people around them.

So buy a Droid Razr- it's like having all the answers, all the games, all the Connectivity and all the movies you could ever want right there in the palm of your hand.  So you can stare at it and listen to it, all the while using your other hand to give the finger to the rest of us.  Thanks a lot.


  1. Not, of course, that headphones are a solution. Usually, they wear them so that they can crank the volume REALLY loud so that they can share being jerks with us.

    1. Of course. I know for a fact that "Listening Devices Must have Headphones" on the subway means "crank it up with inpunity, you are following the letter of the law." Never mind that everyone within ten feet gets to "enjoy" your "music" right along with you.

  2. I've always wanted to snark at this horrendous piece of garbage.

    I love how they say "All day Battery Life" like they invented the crap. my little old school flip phone here has ALL WEEK Battery Life. Boom done. I win. All these new phones, irks me. They can't sustain a charge worth a damn, they have NO keyboard or keypad, they're big and bulky, and they SUCK as a PHONE.

    All I want to do is to make and receive phone calls, but having a "smart"phone COMPLICATES the whole process. I've seen phones freeze up during a call, the touch screen stops working, or the phone just shuts off because it RAN OUT OF MEMORY LMAO.

    I'll keep my dumb phone (as the hipsters call it) and make fun of the smartphones that can't even do their PRIMARY function correctly.

    Ahh, it's nice not following the herd.

    1. Make phone calls? Why would anyone use a cellphone to make phone calls, when there are movies to watch and music to listen to and games to play and people to text and Facebook pages to update? Man you are weird.

      I bet you use your Kindle to (snigger) read books, too.